A Year Has Passed

I posted this image on my facebook page recently:

In the top right corner is a picture of how I began 2014. Then there are a couple of interim photos and the large one is how I am beginning 2015. Quite a difference.

And yes, I am still impatient to be done with this transition. But I was right last November, the worst is definitely behind me, and I am going to be happy when I have a full head of white hair. I am already so happy to be done with the pressure of coloring. I wouldn't dream of doing that again. Some women go to all this trouble and then -- after negative comments -- cave and go back to the dye. I shudder just thinking of that.

And I haven't had too many negative comments. Most people are nice, or say nothing at all.

So, a year has passed. I know by the end of 2015 I will be done -- and I'll try to enjoy the remaining months with the last brown hair I will ever know.

Crossing A Line

I'm not sure what happened between 7 months and 10 months. I've been so very busy at work, taking on some extra responsibilities, that I haven't had time to update the blog. But somehow in this interim period I crossed a threshold -- I don't hate my hair anymore.

Yes, I am still impatient to be done with this transition and be all one color. And I think I am only about 1/2 way there, as I imagine it will be long enough to cut off the ends and still have a comfortable length in another 10 months. July maybe? August?

But it's funny, I actually get compliments on my hair now -- people think I do this on purpose! The cashier in the cafeteria, a clerk in the division office -- "Wow, I really like your hair." I tell them they are very kind, but I didn't do this on purpose, I am actually growing out my gray hair. "People pay for that look". Oh, but not I -- I am so conservative with my hair I would never pay for this look. But it's what I have -- and so for this brief time I am trying to appreciate and enjoy it.

And for the most part, it's easier now. Not easy, but easier. At breakfast the other day my husband said, "Watching your hair grow out is like watching grass grow" -- not exactly the most romantic of sentiments. And frankly, grass seems to grow a lot faster.

But I am less discouraged. And I am hoping the worst of the transition is over. We shall see.

Arctic Snow

So, I am 7 1/2 months in now, and I finally have the gray really framing my face. With this most recent picture I really feel like I look old. Maybe it was just a bad hair day, but it's weird to see almost pure white hair all around my face. The bangs do have a touch of dye left, but it's hard to see.

I am missing my brown hair, even my fake brown hair. I don't miss coloring, and I am glad that it's no longer part of my life. But this process is about more than hair. It's about accepting and embracing the changes in my life, making peace with aging, and loving the woman who is no 'spring chicken' anymore. I am glad I am taking my time and letting the color grow out slowly. I think I might have gotten overwhelmed and discouraged if I had stripped the hair, or cut a pixie, and was completely gray so quickly. This slower process is giving me time to adjust and get used to the change.

So maybe it will be at just the right spot for a great Cruella Deville costume in October. I should go looking for a white mink coat and a cigarette holder ....

Patience is a Virtue

So I hit the six month mark last weekend. Earlier this year I joined an online community for those going gray or living gray. It's a great resource and full of inspiration. If you have any interest, check out The Silver Sisters Gray Cafe. One of my colleagues on there remarked this week how she doesn't think she looks any different at 8 months than she did at 7 months or 6 months. I understand how she feels. The changes are so small and subtle month to month that if you don't look at photos side by side you would completely miss the changes. Here are my 5 month and 6 month photos:

I have just a little more white at the crown of my head, and the bangs have lost most of their brown, with just an inch or so left at the tips. They should be all white by the end of August.But I am still thinking it will be a full 18 months before I am totally done. So maybe I will be celebrating my transition next July 1.

You know, it seems so shallow to be expending so much psychic energy on my hair. At this stage of my life I have friends, family members, colleagues and acquaintances who are dealing with problems with their heart or lungs or liver or kidneys or blood or knees or hips -- tissues that actually matter to one's health and ability to live a full life. That helps give me perspective on this quirky and uncomfortable process, and remember that I am only dealing with issues of vanity and aging. How blessed I am.

I'll try and be back here at 7 months.

Five Months In

Today we had a baby shower at my home for my son and daughter-in-law. I don't have many big social events on the schedule for the next year (at least no weddings!) and I am grateful for that, because it's a little uncomfortable to be such a funny mix of colors. This is what 5 months looks like for me.

The bangs are probably more than half way there - just another 3 months or so (1 1/2 inches?) and they should be all gray. I think it will help to have the front of my face framed in gray, as it will give me a better sense of what the end result will be. It's still a little difficult to visualize.

I had lots of gray inspiration with me today. My daughter-in-law's mother, who is a year younger than I am, began her journey a couple of years ago. She is a beautiful woman, and she looks terrific with her natural color. I watched her transition with a combination of curiosity, envy, and panic. I didn't know how I would be able to handle it.

And two of my favorite 'Silver Sisters' were at the luncheon today. One is on the same timetable as I am, and also stopped coloring her hair last December. And the other has never colored her hair, and her look is awesome. Here we are.

My husband got a great shot of the 'undergrowth' as well. Because the top layer is so dark and thick, you can't really see how much gray is thriving underneath. So take a peek

Aaack! It's a little scary. Exciting, and scary. So that's my progress. The real trick to this, I think, is to keep your sense of humor, and surround yourself with people who love you no matter what kind of hair day you are having. I am lucky to have so many supportive friends and family members -- including my patient, if reluctant, husband, who has become my photographer for this chronicle. Thank you babe.

Month 3+

So this is what I look like 3 months in. In some ways it is easier than I expected, and in some ways it is harder. It's a long, slow process, with subtle changes day by day. It's a little easier now than the first two months because it is obvious that I am not just late to the salon -- it looks suspiciously deliberate now. People notice something is different. One colleague asked me if I was trying to go blonde.

I am so glad I can read other stories about this transition. I know it is going to be a full year from now before I will have enough length to get a cut I can live with. So in the meantime I need to let go of vanity and try and make peace with this mix of color. Most of the time that is easy -- but sometimes vanity rears its head. The yoga studio I work at is scheduling a photo shoot in mid-May. It's a great opportunity (and really good value) to get some promotional photos taken. But I regretfully declined to participate -- this is just not the look I want for marketing materials. This isn't a bad hair day, this is a bad hair year!

So I try and practice my yoga -- I take a deep breath, and step away from the mirror.

One of my very dear friends has also started down this path. I am so excited to have someone to share this journey with. Her hair is not as white as mine, and she wears it much shorter so she will finish long before I do. But we both started at the same time (last full coloring in December 2013) -- so the next 8-10 months should be similar. Then I will be jealous!

It Gets Dreary Quickly

So, it's January 27, and a cold, snowy, dreary winter. The hair is not helping. It's 5 weeks since my last full coloring, and only 2 weeks since I put in the few lowlights -- but they didn't help much. I am going back this Saturday for another set, but I am really wondering if they will be worth the time or money. Here's what my head looks like now -- like I really need to see my colorist!

The temples are more pronounced as well -- but for some reason I don't mind them, I actually like them.

The thought of doing this for another 12-15 months though (when I should have enough length for a reasonable bob) is somewhat overwhelming. But I keep wondering what choice I have. If I don't do this now, I stay a slave to the hairdresser and hair color every 2 weeks for another dozen years? And how will it be any easier at 70+ than now? It won't be. So I will take it one day at a time. Hopefully I will be able to treat the process like an adventure in discovering myself. Who is that woman under all that brown dye? We shall see...